Behind the Falls Page 21

  “Almost there? We’re stuck on a rock ledge with no way off but down onto rocks and churning water! We’re never getting out of here,” I’m starting to panic a little. What kind of mess has he led me into? Max just chuckles. Damn him and his chuckling!

  “I admit that’s the way it looks. Looks can be deceiving, No. Pay attention.” Max backs up then takes a few long strides and leaps off of the rock. I stumble forward as if I can catch him and save him from obvious death and of course I can’t reach him but I don’t need to save him. He’s jumped onto another rock ledge that’s right next to the water fall. He has to cup his hands around his mouth to call to me over the sound of the water.

  “Just a few big steps and jump!” he calls. “Be careful, it’s slippery over here but I’ll catch you.” I didn’t see the rock outcropping next to the waterfall before because I was too busy worrying about how we were going to get out of here when I was looking around. It’s really not that far. It’s actually lower than the ledge I’m standing on so gravity will lend a hand. I could jump that space easily if I was just jumping from spot to spot but the thought of what would happen if I miss? Why does Max always force me to do such terrifying things?

  “I can’t do it!” I call to him. “Just come back over here, Max!” He shakes his head.

  “This is the only way out!” he calls. I’m terrified but I know Max wouldn’t lie to me. If there really is no other way out of here I have to get over there. My only consolation is that if I fall it’s all over…no more anxiety, no more panic, no more fear, and no more being a freak. If I fall I’m dead. I have a few seconds to think it’s strange that I fear death so much and yet now with death as an alternative it doesn’t sound so scary. What the Hell is wrong with my thought process? I think before I make the leap.

  I take a few steps back, breathe deeply and hold it and then I throw caution to the wind and take the few running strides that launch me towards the rock Max stands on waiting. I foolishly close my eyes and I’m sure I’m going to miss but then my feet skid on wet rock and I feel Max’s hands grab me and steady me. I open my eyes and look behind me. The rush of adrenaline when I realize what I just did is amazing. I think if I wasn’t so afraid of everything all of the time I could become an adrenaline junkie. It’s not fear, it’s euphoria. It’s knowing you’re alive.

  “Come here,” Max takes my hands and leads me towards the falls and just as I think he really is crazy and he’s going to walk us right under that aggressive water I see that there’s a sort of space behind the water. We get a little wet from the spray of the water but we’re not soaked.

  I look around in amazement. There’s a cave behind the falls. I’m a little freaked out to think that there’s a lake above my head but I figure this has probably been here for so much longer than I’ve been alive and will probably continue for many years to come. There’s enough head clearance to stand without having to duck and it’s just deep enough that if we move to the back wall we can sit without the water spray hitting us. The mostly rock floor is a bit damp but I don’t care. All we can see in front of us is the rushing water. When I un-focus my eyes it’s like looking at static on a TV that’s not hooked up to cable.

  “This is incredible,” I say. Max shakes his head. The water is so loud that he can’t hear me. I put my mouth closer to his ear and say it loudly. “This is incredible!”

  “I thought you might like it!” he yells in the direction of my ear. If we keep this up we’re both going to lose our voices. I nudge him and pull out my cellphone.

  MAYBE THIS WILL WORK BETTER. HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?!

  I don’t let him look at my phone, making him get his from his pocket to wait for the text to arrive. He smiles and types back to me.

  WELL NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING BUT IT’S SO IMPERSONAL TALKING THIS WAY.

  He has a point. He puts his phone back in his pocket without answering my question. I watch the water as it falls in front of us and it’s hypnotizing. My eyes start to drift shut. Max nudges me and I blink my eyes open. I have no idea why the water makes me tired after all of the sleep I got last night but it’s soothing even though it’s incredibly loud.

  Max slides closer to me until we’re lined up against each other, leg to leg, hip to hip, arm to arm and shoulder to shoulder. He turns his face towards me and leans in close to my ear, lips practically touching it.

  “I almost died the day I found this place,” he says right into my ear. He speaks loudly enough for me to hear but he doesn’t have to shout. His words tickle my ear. “I went off the path looking for the source of the sound of water and I ended up there on the ledge where we came down but it was muddy and the ground gave way and I fell right down.

  “I can’t believe I didn’t break something but I guess I grabbed enough roots and saplings and vines on the way down to slow my fall. I did hit the rock ledge and rolled right to the edge. Talk about adrenaline! When I looked at those rocks and that churning water and thought of what would have happened if I’d slid an extra foot it made me dizzy.”

  “I can imagine,” I say it directly into his ear like he’s been talking into mine. This is better. Neither of us has to yell to be heard.

  “So after I was sure I was relatively unbroken, just some bruises and scrapes and torn clothing, I had to figure out how the Hell to get back up there. I mean, it’s so steep that even when the ground is packed tightly like it is right now it’s just about impossible to climb back up that. So one near death experience down but now I’m stuck and no one knows where I am and I’m not on the trail and my phone is in the car.

  “I’m thinking ‘I’m going to be stuck here until a search party comes looking for me. They’ll find the car at the park resource offices and assume I’m in the woods somewhere,’ is what I think but how long would it take for anyone to miss me? I had left the house in a huff because I was arguing with Dad and Lydia so I figured they’ll think I’m just out blowing off steam. They won’t even realize I’m actually missing until I don’t make it home that night.

  “Then as I’m contemplating my situation I see this little fox. I don’t think it was full grown yet it was so small. It was just sitting there on that ledge that we jumped to next to the falls. It stared at me for a minute then turned tail and ran behind the falling water. That’s when I saw there was room behind the falls. I thought just maybe the space would be large enough to accommodate me. Maybe I could work my way to the other side and find a way up and out of here or maybe down, anywhere but stuck on this ledge.”

  “So you just jumped…not knowing what was actually there?” I’m amazed. I would have sat on that ledge until the search party found me or until I was bleached bones. I wouldn’t have had the nerve to do that not knowing what was ahead of me. Max shrugs and I can feel the movement of his shoulder against mine.

  “I figured my predicament couldn’t get any worse and the fox seemed to know what it was doing. Of course I discovered this room, cave or whatever you want to call it. I didn’t even try to find my way out at first. I just sat in here and listened and daydreamed and relaxed. Now it’s one of my favorite places…at least in Pennsylvania. I mean, it doesn’t quite measure up to a volcanic beach in Hawaii but it’s so private and peaceful. Just clear your mind and listen,” he tells me and that’s exactly what I do.

  The water doesn’t have a constant sound. It changes in cadence and tone. It’s almost musical. I can see why Max loves this place. I’m always tense even when I’m not anxious. My muscles are always tight and I’m always prepared for flight but I actually allow myself to relax into the wall behind me. Eventually I’m not even thinking about how we’re supposed to get out of here because Max knows his way and I trust Max.

  “Who else knows about this place?” I ask after some time goes by. I have to make conversation or I might fall asleep.

  “No one, at least not that I know of. I found it accidentally and I never told anyone about it before today,” Max replies.

  “Why me then
? Why today?” I can’t help my curiosity. Tabitha is his best friend and he never brought her here? Then again, I can’t imagine Tabitha being willing to traipse through the woods and sit in the dampness that all of this water creates. I can feel Max shrug again.

  “I knew you would appreciate it the way it deserves to be appreciated. I thought someone else in the world should know about it. I thought you might need it.” He’s quiet for a while then he leans in to speak into my ear again. “Noah? Is everything okay?”

  Immediately my heart begins to race. He knows. He knows I’m not normal. He knows I’m a mess of nerves and anxiety and fear. I think of the out of body, dreamy feeling from yesterday and can’t suppress a shudder. He knows I’m losing it.

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’ve never really been homesick so I don’t know what it’s like but the last few days you just seem like something is wrong, something is bothering you. It seems like more than homesickness.” I have no way to answer that.

  “I was sick for a person once,” he offers when I don’t say anything. “I didn’t care about Nevada itself but leaving there, leaving Jensen was difficult. I think maybe that’s what being homesick might feel like, the way I felt sick about being away from her.”

  “Yeah, it’s probably pretty similar,” I say. “Of course I’ve never been in love so I can only imagine what missing a person that much is like. I’m homesick for my cousin Kimber but I know I’m going to see her again soon so it’s not the same.”

  “You don’t really know me completely,” he surprises me with that sentence because it’s what I think all of the time. He doesn’t really know me at all...not the real me….certainly not ALL of me.

  “What do you mean by that?” Is it possible that Max has his own secrets?

  “I mean there are things about me that you don’t know. I mean, can anyone every really know anyone? You can really only know what you see and what I tell you. You weren’t here last year. You weren’t around to see what a complete shit I was a year ago. You only get to see this improved and much better version of Max.” I find it hard to believe that Max was ever a complete shit. Max is what I would be if I could be anyone or anything.

  “I can’t imagine that.” He nods.

  “It’s true. I was so pissed at my dad for making us move. I was pissed at Lydia for moving us so far away from Jensen. Dad had several opportunities but he chose this one because it brought her the closest to her family.

  “I was angry and acting out and rebelling for really the first time in my life. The piercings were part of that. Tabby knew someone that would do it for us without parental consent. The eyebrow came first. Dad didn’t say anything about it but I know he saw it. When I didn’t get a reaction it was the nose, then the ears. He didn’t say anything, didn’t make me take them out and he didn’t demand to know who had done this without legal consent. The snakebites were what finally got a reaction.”

  “Snakebites?” Max draws his bottom lip into his mouth, top teeth skimming the silver studs below his lip. So they were called snakebites. You learn something new every day.

  “He hit the roof then. He told me to grow up, to have more respect for myself and him and Lydia. He told me I had no respect for myself if I was willing to mutilate myself like that. He said no decent girl was ever going to look at me with a face full of metal. No college would want the kind of person I looked like.

  “I told him the only girl I was ever going to care about was in Nevada. I told him that any school that was going to judge me that much on my looks at my interviews wasn’t the school for me. We fought for days but he never made me take them out. Eventually I guess we just got tired of fighting and we weren’t even really speaking.” Max is quiet for a while. I guess he’s lost in his own memories.

  “How did you finally make up then?” I ask because I know how much Max loves his dad.

  “It was Terry and Tabitha actually,” he sighs. “I told you before they had a really shitty time of it for a while there. I was around for some of that. It was basically a whole lot of nasty shit with their stepfather. Things got really bad and luckily I was there when it really hit the fan one day but it was my dad that really made a difference, got them the help they needed.

  “After that I felt like such complete shit about how I’d been acting. Yeah, I was still devastated over Jensen. Yes, I was still angry that we’d moved here but I love my dad. I could have had it so much worse. Hell, I could have ended up with my biological father! I realized I wasn’t being fair to him or Lydia and I cut out the shit and did a lot of growing up and I never took him for granted again.”

  When Max is done talking he pulls some licorice out of the inner pocket of his coat and offers me a piece. He must have it in a bag or something because it’s not linty or anything. I decline. Since I’ve known Max I’ve eaten more than enough red licorice.

  “So if you made up and more or less forgave him for moving you and all of that, why do you still have the piercings?” I’ve never really understood the point of piercings or even tattoos really but they’re such a part of Max to me now I think I would miss them if he removed them.

  “At first it wasn’t a choice. I told Dad I would take them out and he made me keep them as some kind of punishment or something. He told me to remember the way people looked at me funny the way people can be when they’re judging you. He told me to remember every summer job I got turned down for because of the way I looked. It didn’t really work though. I don’t give a shit what people think of the way I look and I actually liked the piercings so I just kept them.”

  “That’s easy for you to say,” I didn’t mean to say that out loud so why did I say it into his ear?

  “What’s easy for me to say?” he asks. I blush because of course I’ve embarrassed myself again.

  “If I looked more like you I wouldn’t care what people think of the way I look either.”

  “Are you kidding? I said it before and I’ll say it again, we have to work on your self-esteem. Don’t you see the way that Sherrie Carlisle looks at you? Don’t you see the way Holly still looks at you even after you never went out with her again? Half of the girls in the senior class look at you like that. Tabitha said it last weekend, you’re adorable. Stop fishing for compliments,” he laughs when he says the last part. I just shrug.

  “My mirror must be defective,” I say.

  “Or your brain or your eyes,” Max teases.

  We sit in silence for a while but it’s nice. Max is the only person I can just be with besides my parents and Kimber where I don’t feel like I have to make conversation and I don’t feel anxious when I just can’t bring myself to talk. I listen to the falls and he chews on licorice.

  “So okay, that explains the piercings,” I continue the conversation as if fifteen minutes haven’t gone by, “but what about the hair? I mean, your dad still wears his military short. How is it that you get away with wearing yours so long?”

  “Dad and Lydia aren’t that hung up on that kind of stuff. He wears a military cut because he’s been wearing one his entire life. It’s what he’s comfortable with. I wear mine longer because that’s just the way I like it. What do my parents care if my hair is long? They got over the piercings easily enough. I don’t know. Since I’m getting older they’ve let me make most of my own decisions. I don’t need a lot of rules imposed on me. I’m not stupid. I want to make something of myself. If I make bad choices, I’ll learn from them but I’m really not a rebel. I’m really not that interesting or dramatic.” This makes me laugh. Max not interesting? In any one conversation we’ve ever had I think he’s more interesting than I ever was or ever will be.

  “My mom wants me to get mine cut,” I say, remembering the discussion this morning about my hair. “She’s afraid people will think she’s a bad parent.”

  “What kind of parent is she?” Max asks and I’m surprised. He’s met my mother. How could he even ask a question like that?

  “She’s t
he best, they both are. I don’t know what cosmic lottery I won to end up with them but I honestly don’t know where I would be without them,” I say it almost defensively and Max takes the subject away from parents and back to my hair.

  “It is getting on the long side. I like it long but I can’t see your eyes most of the time,” he says.

  “Look who’s talking!” I laugh. He looks at me for a moment then reaches a hand towards my bangs.

  “Just try this,” he says and does his best to make a side part and sweeps the bangs across my forehead. Well, I can see now anyway.

  “Now I look like you,” I observe even though I can’t actually see my hair.

  “Well isn’t that what you were just saying earlier? At least I put the part on the opposite side,” he laughs. “Get Tabitha to cut it. She’ll let you keep the length but with some style.” I really don’t think I want Tabitha anywhere near me with a pair of scissors after recent developments but I keep my mouth shut.

  Max and I continue to talk into each other’s ears for most of the afternoon. The rush of the water doesn’t even seem as loud anymore now that I’m used to it. It’s starting to get a little cold though sitting in the damp and I wish we had a blanket or something so we could stay longer without freezing. I can feel Max shivering against me. I’m cold but not shivering cold. It’s only Halloween weekend. It’s going to get much colder than this.

  “You’re such a lightweight,” I tease as I nudge my shoulder into his. I swear now I can hear his teeth chatter. “I guess we should probably go?” I don’t really want to leave yet but if he’s really cold I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.

  “Not yet, just a few more minutes,” he shakes his head as he says this. “Noah?”

  “Yeah?” I look over at him when he doesn’t continue. I’m sitting to his right which is the side his bangs fall on so I can’t see his eyes. He runs his fingers through his hair which is his typical move whenever he’s trying to figure something out (I’ve seen him do this over calculus homework often enough) and he does it when he’s upset about something (like the night he was angry with Tabitha). The end result is that his hair stays off of his face and will continue to do so until he moves again. He turns slightly so I can see his eyes and he looks like he’s trying to figure something out so then it’s not because he’s upset that he’s hesitant.