Behind the Falls Read online

  ****

  It’s Saturday morning and someone is pulling my blankets off of me at the ungodly hour of eight o’clock. What the Hell?!

  “Come on, No, get the Hell out of bed. Time’s a wasting!” Why is Max in my room at eight o’clock on a Saturday morning and more importantly, why is he so damned loud? I groan and attempt to kick him without opening my eyes and burrow into my pillows. He drags me out of bed by my foot and I end up laying on the floor looking up at him as he stands over me.

  “Didn’t you hear me the first time? When I say get the Hell out of bed I mean it. Wake up, brush your teeth and put on some comfortable shoes. We’re going on a road trip,” he says then he’s out the door.

  “What.The.Fuck?” I mutter to myself as I make my way to the bathroom. As far as I know we didn’t make any plans for today. I think I would remember. Depending what the plans were I would at least be worrying about the day by now. I drag myself into the bathroom and brush my teeth with my eyes closed. I was awake tossing and turning most of the night last night so I’m still really tired…too tired to be awake on a Saturday morning.

  I dress and on a whim I grab a small pill container that has just one dose of meds in it (all that I’m allowed access to without asking my parents for more) and secure that in the front pocket of my jeans. I have no idea what he has up his sleeve but I figure it’s best to be prepared.

  When I get to the kitchen Mom is already there with breakfast spread on the table and Max is digging in to some pancakes. Breakfast is something Mom can actually cook because she hasn’t tried to replace good old pancakes and eggs with tofu and soy…at least not yet. Dad is also at the table proof reading or something and I’m surprised Mom isn’t pitching a fit. She can’t stand when he works at the table. She doesn’t even like when he reads the morning paper at the table.

  “Would someone like to explain to me what the Hell is going on?” I ask as I grab a plate and make a stack of pancakes. I use more syrup than is probably acceptable but I like them wet and mushy and if I can’t have caffeine to wake up I’m going to mainline sugar.

  “Noah, language,” Mom chastises.

  “I told you, we’re going on a road trip,” Max says before putting another loaded fork full of pancakes into his mouth. I look at my mom quizzically.

  “The other night when Max was here he asked me if it would be okay for you boys to have a bit of an adventure today,” Mom says and that’s all the explanation I get.

  “And this adventure would include what exactly?” Whatever it is I wish I had some kind of warning. My mom should have known better anyway. I don’t like surprises.

  “It’s a surprise,” Max says with the grin that shows his dimple. He cleans up the last of his pancakes then walks his plate to the dish washer something my mom is always trying to get Dad and me to do.

  “Mom?” I give her a look and she just smiles at me.

  “You’ll be fine, sweetie,” she says. I follow Max’s example and put my dish in the dish washer and then I get a jacket. It’s late September and the mornings are pretty chilly. Max shrugs into his jacket.

  “Thanks, for breakfast, Mrs. Blakely,” he tells my mom. “Good luck with the next chapter, Professor Blakely.” Dad grunts in response. I follow Max out of the house.

  “So are you going to tell me where we’re going or do I have to wait until we get there?” I ask nervously. I’m sure Mom wouldn’t have agreed to let Max take me anywhere that she thought I’d be uncomfortable but I’m worried anyway.

  “You’ll find out when we get there,” Max says as he unlocks a black Acura SUV that’s parked in front of the house. At least this car has seatbelts and airbags unlike Terry’s deathtrap. Max has his phone hooked up to the car stereo and gets the music started before we pull away from the curb. He has a very eclectic selection of music playing. Some of the stuff I know and some of it I’ve never heard. I do pretty much like all of it though.

  We’re on the highway before Max brings up the dance. “So you disappeared for a while last night…” he lets the thought trail away but looks at me out of the corner of his eye. Well, I assume he’s looking at me. I can’t really tell through his hair. I don’t offer a response.

  “Oh come on, No, it’s not really kissing and telling if she started it,” he laughs. “You might as well tell me about it now. Tabitha was pretty sure you looked ‘recently kissed’ and she is going to demand details from someone and wouldn’t it be easier if I just told her what you tell me?” He has a point.

  “Well, yeah, she took me out of the gym and we were in one of the alcoves, it was the chem lab actually and I don’t know, she just kissed me.” What else was there to say about it?

  “Yeah? That’s it? That’s all you have to say about your first kiss? Tabitha is NOT going to be satisfied with that.” I shrug.

  “I was just kinda glad when it was over,” I admit and I have no idea why I’m so honest. I already feel like a freak most of the time and now I’m admitting I can’t even kiss. “I mean, her lips were so full of that gloss and it didn’t taste good or feel good. I don’t know, maybe I just don’t know how to kiss. My cousin used to practice on her own hand and I laughed at her but I guess she had the right idea.”

  “Well, like, besides the nasty lip gloss, what did she do? Did you like any of it? Did SHE like it?”

  “I guess she did. She told me she could kiss me all night,” I admit as I feel my ears get hot. “She kept biting my lip. It hurt more than anything to be honest. I’m just glad it’s over with and I can tell Tabby I’ve been kissed. I feel like such a tool. Who can’t kiss? I always assumed it was just natural.”

  “I wouldn’t be so hard on myself if I were you,” Max laughs. “First kisses are notoriously bad. I’ve heard very few success stories.”

  “Yeah? I bet your first kiss was freaking perfect,” I grumble. Max lets out a barking laugh.

  “Oh Jesus, No, my first kiss was a disaster! I was either thirteen or had just turned fourteen somewhere around that age. We were in this girl’s older brother’s jeep and he was showing off for his girlfriend driving off road and stuff. So I don’t know, I felt like kissing her and we had already been holding hands so I just leaned in to kiss her and he hits this ditch and our mouths just SLAM into each other. Of course she’s wearing braces and the next thing you know I have a fat bloody lip and there’s blood all over my shirt. Yeah, I’d like a do-over on that one,” he laughs. “The worst part was explaining to my dad how it happened and admitting I didn’t have a seatbelt on at the time.” I try not to mentally compare what Max was doing at fourteen to me at fourteen.

  “So when was the first good one then?” I pry. I’ve seen Max and Tabitha make out so I know somewhere along the way things got better. I can only hope I have the same luck.

  “The first one that didn’t suck was a few weeks later. It was the same girl. We were doing homework at her place and her mom was out of the room and we just kind of leaned in and kissed and it was gentle and sweet and then we just went back to homework.

  “I’ve had my share of bad kisses since then though. I mean not everyone can kiss well and there are also different tastes to consider. Some people like those sloppy, mouth swallowing kinds of kisses. Some people like biting. I don’t know. If you’re kissing someone that likes things different than you it’s kind of hard to make it end up right.”

  “You and Tabitha seem compatible,” I point out the obvious. He smiles crookedly.

  “We should have just had Tabitha kiss you now that I think about it. I think it’s impossible to have a bad kiss with that girl. I think she should just grab Kyle by the front of his shirt, plant one on him and walk away. That’ll get his attention,” Max laughs. I wonder how he can be so sure she’s into this Kyle guy when it seems so obvious to me who she’s really in love with. I almost want to tell him. He should know how she feels.

  “So is Tabitha the best kiss you’ve ever had then?” I say instead. Max goes silent for a bit and just concen
trates on driving. Just when I think he’s not going to answer he speaks up.

  “Tabitha is probably the best kisser I’ve ever kissed but she didn’t give me my best kiss ever. That distinction belongs to Jensen. She’s the girl from Nevada that I had to leave last year.” He doesn’t offer any more about kissing her but he talks about her as we drive.

  “Dad was stationed at Nellis airforce base. Going to school out there was so different than here. Most of the students were from military families so there were constantly different kids coming and going. I wasn’t happy about being there when we first moved. Dad had said his previous assignment was going to be his last but then we ended up in Nevada and I didn’t want to make friends with anyone. I didn’t want to get close to anyone if it meant moving in a year or two. When I was younger it was exciting and I could always just fall in with new friends wherever we went but as I got older I wanted my connections to be more permanent.

  “I decided not to bother getting close to anyone. I figured I would just finish out high school in whatever town we happened to be in and then I would go to college and when things stabilized for me I would worry about friendships and other people. Jensen had different ideas though. She refused to take no for an answer and forced her friendship on me,” he laughs at his own memories.

  “In no time she was my best friend. From there it just turned into love. I mean it makes sense, right? The person you are in love with SHOULD be your best friend. It was so hard to leave her. She even asked her parents if I could live with them until we graduated but I knew that would never work out. My dad would never allow it for one thing. There were other reasons I couldn’t stay behind. My little brother was just a year old and my little sister was just starting school and I knew once I went to college I’d see them so rarely that I couldn’t just leave the family two years early,” he stops talking and drives in silence.

  “Don’t you think about maybe getting back together after you graduate?” I suggest. He smiles and shakes his head.

  “It’s not the same. We’ve already both grown in such different directions. We still talk now and then and we still care about each other but not all relationships are meant to last forever. She was my first love but hopefully not my last, definitely not my forever.” He’s silent for a while, thinking about Jensen I assume. When he speaks again he’s back to me.

  “I wouldn’t worry about this kissing thing too much. I mean, if you don’t want to kiss someone then don’t. It’s not something you should force just because you think it’s normal,” he advises.

  “But to be graduating this year and have like, no experience? I kinda feel like a freak, especially in comparison to you,” I admit. He chuckles.

  “You’ll have plenty of opportunities if you want them. You’re the shiny new toy after all. I’m the last person to compare yourself to, No. I’ve had more than my fair share of kisses. I just REALLY like to kiss. I’ve kissed people I barely know just because I found them too damned irresistible and it doesn’t have to actually go anywhere. I’m just a little kiss slut,” he says laughing.

  “You are pretty friendly,” I laugh too, thinking of how Max always seems to hug his friends or put an arm over their shoulders or kiss their cheeks and any other number of light touches.

  “That’s separate from my love of kissing. That’s just who I am. I mean, I like physical connections with people I care about. I’m physically demonstrative. People are just too uptight about touching. I like contact. I mean, why were we given bodies if we weren’t meant to touch, to feel?” I can’t really relate. I’m too afraid of people to consider his point of view.

  We’ve been talking so much I haven’t even really been paying attention to where we are. It’s only when I smell the chocolate in the air that I realize our “adventure” has taken us to Hershey. What the hell does Max have up his sleeve? I don’t like this one bit. I like it even less when he heads for the parking lot to the park.

  “Uh, Max what are you doing?” He looks at me with a huge smile.

  “Last night you got that first kiss out of the way. Today you’re riding roller coasters,” he informs me.

  “No, no freaking way. Turn this car around,” I refuse. “I’m serious, Max, don’t even go through that gate,” he doesn’t listen to me and pays the parking fee and I can’t believe Mom gave him the okay to do this to me!

  I’ve been to the park a few times. I couldn’t stand it when I was a little kid. It totally triggered my anxiety, the crowds, the rides, the screams. It wasn’t so bad the last time I was here but I didn’t ride any coasters. I didn’t even do the log flumes. I can’t believe my mom thought this was okay. She must think I’m doing better than I thought. I wonder why my parents still insist on weekly therapy if they think I can handle this.

  Max is getting out of the car and he seriously thinks I’m going to follow him. I stay in my seat. I don’t even remove the seatbelt. I don’t unlock my door. Well, that plan was doomed to failure. Max has the keys.

  “Come on, No. How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?” he says as he opens my door. He reaches in and unfastens my seatbelt. I don’t move.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I plead. God, I’m really getting scared.

  “You’re too cautious,” he says. “Even your mom thought it would be a good idea for you to try something out of your comfort zone. We can start small. I promise. The first coaster will have no hills. Most rides are like two minutes long. You can handle two minutes of anything, right?” I’m so not doing this.

  “Let’s come back some other time. Springing this on me was totally not fair, Max. Give me some time to think about it and get used to the idea…”he’s shaking his head.

  “The park closes for the season next Saturday and I have to watch my brother and sister so this is it. This is our last chance for the season. Come on, if you try one coaster I’ll do a ride that terrifies me.” He’s tugging on my arm and forcing me out of the car. Once my feet are on the pavement I just stand there. Max locks the car and throws one arm across my shoulders. He steers me across the parking lot to the entrance gate.

  I don’t think I breathe until we’re actually in the park and heading for the first attraction. Max keeps the arm around my shoulders to hold me up or to keep me from running away I’m not sure. He keeps up a steady stream of chatter which I think he intends as a distraction but I’m not even listening. I’m thinking about every news story that has ever mentioned an amusement park death. I’ll probably be the first person to puke BEFORE riding anything.

  We get to the first ride and I won’t even get in line. “Come on, this is the Trailblazer. My little sister rides this and she’s six. She was five the first time she rode it. There aren’t any big hills, it doesn’t go upside down. It’s no more frightening than the flying bobs. You’ve done those haven’t you?” I nod but I’m still not budging.

  Since we arrived just as the park was opening and it’s a chilly morning there really aren’t any lines. Max leads me through what feels like a cattle chute and I think at least the cattle don’t know what’s at the other end. By now I’m so freaked out I’m on autopilot just going where Max leads.

  “Trust me,” he says calmly, reassuringly. “I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you. It’s just fear. It will only last as long as the ride. Fear can’t hurt you,” he says. Oh if only he knew! We get through the line too quickly for me. I wouldn’t even get in the car if Max wasn’t already getting in and there weren’t younger kids in the line behind us.

  “No one has ever died from an accident at this park,” Max reassures me as the ride attendant makes sure we’re secured in our seats. Great, Max, remind me about dying. I needed that image just as the ride starts to move.

  Immediately upon leaving the station (I guess that’s what it’s called anyway. I’m thinking of it more as an abattoir) we start going up a hill. I look at Max in fear and betrayal. I can’t believe I trusted him.

  “You said there were n
o hills!” I accuse. Max laughs, actually laughs, and I really want to hit him right now. It seems like forever that we chug up the hill and then we’re at the top and going over…into a hill that’s smaller than some of the hills I’ve been down in the car with my parents. Yes, it turns pretty sharply and quickly but it’s not like a plunge into sure death. As the ride picks up speed it gets a bit rough, jerking us from side to side but it’s not frightening. Max is laughing and even I can enjoy the speed and the wind in my hair. The scenery is calming, lots of trees and plants and grass.

  We hit a rise that drops suddenly and my stomach stays behind for a beat. It’s the same feeling I’ve had in the car at times, what Mom used to call wooptie doos when I was a little kid. I guess it could also be called butterflies in the stomach. I actually like it. It’s different than panic or fear. It feels good. I kinda want to feel that again. Is that the feeling Max compared to falling in love? If it is I guess I kinda understand the whole dating thing a little more.

  At the very end of the ride it moves faster and faster leaning more and more until I feel like we’re almost on our sides. I wonder if Max reached his arm out if he could touch the grass. Soon, we’re upright again and slowing down and we go through some wooden beams that I feel like I’ll hit my head on and the ride is over. I look at Max with my eyes wide.

  “Well? Not so bad, right? Like I said, my little sister rides this thing,” Max says as he exits the car. I don’t care if it’s a kid’s ride. I want to do it again.