Behind the Falls Read online

  “Uh, is the offer to sit at your table at lunch still good?” I ask shyly. I’ve decided that today is the day I conquer that ridiculous fear of the cafeteria. I didn’t bring any granola bars or water bottles today so if I don’t go I’ll have to go hungry.

  “Of course,” Max smiles. “It’s about time you got out of that auditorium. It’s kind of less special if you hang out in there every day. Kind of creepy really. I mean it rocks as a place to get away from it all once in a while but when you stay in there every day it starts to make you look antisocial, a recluse even.” He chuckles and somehow I just know that he’s kidding. I don’t know why I feel comfortable enough with him that I understand that I just do.

  After chemistry, Max walks with me to our lockers and after we stow our books he meets me at mine, Tabitha in tow. I don’t know if he said something to her or she’s just in a good mood for a change but she gives a half smile and says, “Hey, new kid.”

  I get more and more nervous as we walk to the cafeteria. A lot of kids are rushing but Max and Tabitha stroll along at an easy pace. He chats as we walk and I think it’s mostly for my benefit, to put me at ease. It’s working as well as it possibly can but as we walk in the doors my heart is still pounding.

  My first impression of the high school cafeteria is that it’s way too bright and way too loud. I have to struggle not to flinch as my senses are assaulted. After the initial burst of fear I try to relax. I realize Max is explaining things to me.

  “The middle line is the standard school lunch. I wouldn’t suggest ever getting in that line. The lines on either side of the room are ale carte lines. You can get a variety of things in these lines. They’re the most popular so they’re also usually longer.” We pick a line and Max continues to explain.

  “If you know someone further up the line you can always cut but if the cafeteria monitor catches you doing it you’ll get sent back to the end. If the line is really long it might not be worth the risk.”

  Just then a loud crash sounds as someone drops a tray, the exact thing I feared my first day at school and one of the things that kept me out of the cafeteria. The entire room erupts into cheers and applause. Max grins at me. “THAT happens probably once a week,” he says after the volume in the room gets back to a normal level.

  By the time we get to the head of the line to get food I no longer have an appetite. The drink choices are limited: milk (blech), iced tea (I’m not really supposed to have caffeine), and water. I choose a bottle of water. Since my stomach is now in knots I just get some soup and a lot of crackers. I follow Max to his table and the truly excruciating part begins…introductions.

  I don’t really remember all of their names. There’s Tabitha’s brother whose name is Terry I remember that much then a bunch of Suzys and Johns and Barbs and Matts…I can’t be expected to remember all of these people. Most of them look relatively normal compared to Max and Tabitha. There are only two other kids with piercings (that I can see anyway) and most of their clothes are relatively normal.

  There’s a girl with purple pigtails and Max gives her a big hug and kiss when she sits down. I don’t remember her name. The last to join the group is a guy with longish hair and hipster glasses. Max gets up when he approaches and engulfs him in a hug which is a chore because this guy is easily six inches taller than Max who is around my height of five ten.

  “Elliot! When did you get back? I can’t believe I haven’t had any classes with you!” Max says as he and Elliot thump each other on the back. As they part, Max puts a hand on either side of Elliot’s head and plants a kiss on his cheek before sitting back down at the table. “It has not been the same without you around.”

  “Just got home last night,” Elliot says as he opens his drink. “I wanted to stay home another day but the ‘rents made me come here instead.”

  “Elliot, this is Noah, new blood, just started last week. Noah, this is Elliot, drummer extraordinaire and one of the few people in this school with any real musical taste,” Max makes introductions and I shake hands clumsily with Elliot. “He’s been in Europe with his parents, lucky bastard.”

  “I don’t know about lucky,” Elliot laughs. “I have so much to catch up on already!”

  Everyone around the table talks easily with each other. I can tell this group has been friends for a while. I don’t have to say anything. No one seems to expect anything out of me except Max. He occasionally tries to draw me into conversation but I don’t have much to offer. I try to eat but my stomach is still churning too much so I mostly just eat some crackers and drink my water. There’s still another half hour in the lunch period when Max stands up.

  “Courtyard?” he says to Tabitha.

  “It’s about fucking time,” she says also standing.

  “You finished, Noah?” Max asks me. I nod. “We’ll show you the one perk of having an hour lunch period. Senior class is the only grade to get a full hour.” I follow them to the tray return area and drop off my mostly uneaten lunch then we head out of the cafeteria.

  In the hallway just outside the cafeteria is a door to the outside. I follow Max and Tabitha into a large courtyard. The entire school wraps around this section of trees and grass. There are benches here and there and kids sitting on them as well as the ground. Max chooses a spot under a tree and Tabitha settles in next to him. I sit in front of them, the point of a triangle.

  Max tells me some stories about the people I just met but I’m not sure who is who so I’m not sure which story belongs to which person. I have way too many names to learn. Tabitha interjects her own comments here and there which usually earns her a “Who is telling this story?” from Max but he smiles when he says it. Suddenly, Tabitha sits a little straighter and gives a slight nod across the courtyard.

  “Ah, we are now hunting the ever elusive Kyle,” Max comments. I turn to see what they’re looking at. The object of Tabitha’s affection appears to be at least six feet tall, blonde hair, gray eyes and a total jock. He is so different from her, so different from Max.

  “Geeze, stop staring, obvious much?” she hisses at me.

  “That guy?” I ask in disbelief. Now this is opposites attracting if I ever saw it. Then again it remains to be seen how he feels about her. He hasn’t looked this way.

  “Why don’t you just go ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance?” Max prods. Tabitha shakes her head.

  “I refuse to ask a boy to a Sadie Hawkins dance that is not actually ON Sadie Hawkins day. Maybe I’ll ask him in November when it’s actually appropriate.”

  “Maybe he’s over there playing all shy and just wishing you’d approach him and ask him,” Max teases. “You’re never going to find out if he likes you if you don’t make a move.”

  “If he liked me wouldn’t he make a move though?” Tabitha asks.

  “Maybe you intimidate him,” Max suggests. He has a point. She’s pretty damned scary.

  “New kid, you would make the first move wouldn’t you?” she asks me. My eyebrows shoot up as I look at her.

  “Who, me?” I ask as if there’s another new kid sitting here. Tabitha says as much.

  “You see any other new kids around? Yes you, genius. If you liked a girl you’d make a move wouldn’t you?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever actually liked a girl enough to try. I wouldn’t even know how…”I trail off.

  “You’ve never been in love? Not even a crush?” Tabitha asks. Now she’s intrigued. Great. I think I liked it better when she was just mean to me. I shrug.

  “I don’t think so…” I begin but she interrupts me.

  “No, you haven’t. If you had been in love or even a crush you’d know it. Right Max?” We both look to Max for his answer.

  “You’d know,” is all he says with a slight smile and a faraway look in his eyes.

  “What’s it like?” I surprise myself by asking. Not having a big social circle and being so afraid all of the time in general I’ve never even had an unrequited crush.

  “
It’s like a roller coaster when you go up and up that big hill and then at the top you’re just suspended for a second before you hurtle over the edge…”Tabitha says and as she says it she’s looking right at Max and I know I don’t know anything about relationships or whatever but I swear I see something…

  “No, it’s more like the smaller hills, you know, where you fly up out of your seat and your stomach stays a beat behind, that feeling in your stomach that’s unexpected but feels so good. It’s the same feeling when you don’t expect to see her and you turn around and there she is and you feel that quick rise and fall and your stomach has to catch up. It’s being in a crowded room but your eye keeps falling on her no matter how many people are in between you. It’s finding a person that has all of the parts that are missing from you. You just fit together and fill each other’s emptiness.”

  He talks quietly and I can tell he’s talking from experience. I remember he told me about the girl from Nevada that he had to leave behind. I wonder what it’s like to feel that. I wonder what it’s like to lose that. I don’t think I could take it. Suddenly, I’m kind of sad. I look over to Tabitha and she’s not looking anywhere but at Max and I’m sure of what I saw earlier.

  I don’t know exactly what her angle is with this Kyle guy but I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t feel the same way about him that she feels about Max. It’s so obvious to me and I don’t understand how Max can’t see it. She’s hanging on his every word. Her eyes are soft and for once she doesn’t look angry or bitchy or anything. It’s more than affection for a friend that I see. She’s in love with him and he’s so completely clueless. I can also see her pain. It makes me uncomfortable.

  “I’ve never actually been on a rollercoaster,” I say to break the tension.

  “What?” Max says as Tabitha says, “How is that possible?!” I shrug.

  “Never been much for scaring myself on purpose,” I say truthfully. God knows I’m scared often enough without needing to put myself in frightening situations.

  “I bet he’s never kissed a girl either,” Tabitha says and I can tell she’s joking but my suddenly hot cheeks must be fiery red and they tell the truth. “Oh.My.GOD. Max, Noah has never kissed a girl!” Just kill me now.

  “Really?” Max asks but it’s not like he’s making a big deal of it like Tabitha is. He’s just noting the fact.

  “Well now we’ll have to remedy that,” Tabitha says. “I was prepared not to like you just because I have a reputation to uphold but Max seems to think you’re worth hanging out with so I feel the need to help you, you poor, pathetic loser.”

  “It’s okay, really,” I say. The last thing I need is for Tabitha to play match maker.

  “It’s not okay. You’re a senior in high school. You should have kissed a girl by now,” Tabitha seems determined.

  “I’m actually only sixteen,” I try to defend myself. Tabitha is barely listening but Max is.

  “Sixteen? What are you doing in grade twelve?” I shrug.

  “They made me take placement tests. I guess they didn’t trust that I was up to speed with my own grade because of the home schooling but it turned out that they put me in grade twelve.” I really hope these two don’t make a big deal of it. They’re the closest thing I have to friends here besides Sherrie who I don’t really hang out with other than to talk at our lockers and walk to a few classes together.

  “Afraid you have some academic competition?” Tabitha teases. Max kisses her on the mouth but it’s not like the kisses of last week. This is just lips on lips.

  “Stop it, Kitty cat,” he says.

  “Okay, before you accept any invites to the dance you have to let me screen them,” Tabitha goes right back to playing match maker.

  “No one is going to ask me. No one has yet,” I say.

  “It’s inevitable. You’re the new kid. The only reason you haven’t been asked yet is because you hide out every lunch period. They’re trying to figure you out, make sure you’re not some loner weirdo. Of course that might attract quite a few too. Anyway, we have to make sure she’s a very forward girl but not a slut. You don’t want to deal with someone too much more experienced than you but I have a feeling we need to find you someone that will make the first move.” I’m at a loss. I do not want this. I look to Max for help.

  “Sorry, she’s not going to give up on this. You might as well go along with it and get it over with. Besides, you don’t want to go to college never having been kissed do you?” Max says as he puts his arms around Tabitha and hugs her tightly. “She’s a pain in the ass but she kind of grows on you.”

  The bell rings and we stand up and brush loose grass off of our clothes. We head to our lockers and I watch the way Tabitha watches Max the entire way. I’m still afraid of her. I don’t like her desire to fix me up with a girl that will kiss me. I’m not even sure I like her but I feel so sorry for her. It must be the worst feeling in the world to love someone and they don’t feel the same way, can’t even see the way you feel.

  “See you in art class” Max says as he continues on to his locker leaving me in front of my own. Sherrie is already there at her locker.

  “You came to lunch today,” she says.

  “Uh, yeah I did. I didn’t see you,” I say. She noticed I don’t go to lunch?

  “I see you’ve made Holden Maxwell’s acquaintance,” she says.

  “Yeah, he’s my lab partner,” I tell her. I shrug. “I like him. He seems so…different but really nice.”

  “Yeah, pretty much everyone likes Holden. Well, except for maybe Trina Bower,” she says.

  “Max,” I correct her. “Who is Trina Bower? Why doesn’t she like him?”

  “Trina Bower would be valedictorian but when he got here with his far superior GPA last year she was bumped. She’s still really trying hard but she’s not going to make it. He’d have to have a total meltdown for that to happen.”

  “Max is going to be valedictorian?” I know he’s in AP calculus and AP Chemistry so he has to be smart but I have no idea what his other classes are besides the art class we also share.

  “He’s CRAZY smart,” Sherrie says as we walk down the hall to computer science together. “I know it’s hard to believe just looking at him but he doesn’t take all AP classes for nothing. It drives Trina nuts. She’s so straight laced and perfect…what you’d expect a valedictorian to look like and then there’s Maxwell with all of that metal in his face and looking like he doesn’t give a darn about anything. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. I mean, Trina has busted her butt her whole school career.” We’re at the computer lab now and we take our seats.

  As I wait for class to start I’m struck by how things aren’t as they appear. First I realized today that Tabitha has feelings for Max although he thinks they’re just friends. Then I find out the guy that looks like he’s in a band and would just as soon skip class as be here is brilliant? I realize all of the interesting people I’ve probably missed out on knowing because of my own stupid fear.

  In art class I get to see what Max is working on and it leaves me breathless. It’s a body of water and it’s unclear whether it’s a lake or an ocean. There are some slight waves and the sky above is reflected in the water. The sky is the stunning part. It appears to be sunset because the sky is all brilliant oranges and reds but it’s darker near the top of the canvas, almost a night sky and swirled in all of these colors are clouds that reflect the colors and swirl them around. It’s almost as if the sky itself is on fire. I realize that’s exactly it. The sky is on fire and what I thought was clouds are really smoke.

  On the surface of the water is a silhouette of a boat. It’s just a small boat but it’s unclear if there is anyone piloting the boat. It’s rather spooky. It’s almost like a picture of the end of the world.

  “Apocalypse,” I say without meaning too. Max is doing something to the waves smearing paint on thickly with a knife but he stops to look at me.

  “Just the end of mankind,” he says. “The world g
oes on without us.” He turns back to his work and I can’t stop staring at it. It’s indescribably beautiful but the feeling it gives me is so …desolate. I shudder. For some reason this image burns something in me.

  “It’s phenomenal,” I practically whisper. I can’t believe easy going Max has created this. There’s definitely depth to this guy. I almost want to peel away his layers just to see what’s beneath his crooked grin and sleepy eyes. This is a first for me. I’ve never really wanted to know anyone better. Knowing someone better means they get to know you too and I don’t want anyone to know me too well. I don’t want people to know what goes on in my head, where I’ve been, how I’ve struggled…still struggle sometimes.

  “I’m doing a series. This is the first of several mostly inspired by books,” he explains. “I went on a bit of a post-apocalyptic reading binge last year.” I watch him paint for a while longer then I wander back to my desk to work on my own project. It’s technically good but it doesn’t have half the passion of Max’s painting.

  After another yawnfest in sociology I head to my locker to gather whatever books I need for tonight’s homework. I have another nice chat with Sherrie and Max approaches as she’s leaving.

  “You could definitely go out with that one,” he observes. I look down the hall after Sherrie.

  “What? Sherrie? Nah, she’s just a friend…”

  “Trust me, she’s interested. She hasn’t asked you to the dance yet?” I shut my locker and walk down the hall with Max. I’ve got a good half hour to wait yet for Mom and I figure since it’s a nice day I’ll spend it on the same bench in front of the school.

  “I don’t really think she’s interested. She hasn’t asked me to the dance,” I say as we walk. Max throws an arm over my shoulder and when Tabitha meets up with us he throws the other arm over her shoulders.

  “Who hasn’t asked him?” she asks.

  “Sherrie Carlisle, definitely interested in our young friend Noah.”

  “No, don’t say yes if she asks you,” Tabitha warns. “Our goal is to get you kissed and you’re going to have to make the first move with her. She’s one you want to approach after you have some experience. She’s a keeper not a playmate.” I shake my head. I can’t believe they’re discussing this so nonchalantly as if this isn’t my LIFE.